3M of relationship, adjustment and ethics

Life changes in many ways. Actually it evolves if you observe everything. It evolves in various ways. I have never seen a person who has not seen challenges in their life. Only differences are few have to face it on every wake of their life, the quantum is very high and many face it in intervals and in specific amount, sometime temporary and sometime in very large quantity and for longer period.
What I have realised from my experience is that nothing remains permanent in our life. Everything has a specific period of time and a cycle and after certain time, it repeats. Actually these challenges are very important for our evolution. Those, who accept these as challenges, learn from it and face it evolve and move towards perfection. They become very positive in their life and they are able to help others too on the basis of their own experiences.
When I look back at my life of last 7 years, I found many changes and evolution. I believed and postulated principle of 3Ms (Mutual Trust, Mutual Understandings, Mutual Respects) and I still found it relevance for any relationship. It is very essential. I have come across many situations and various phase of relationship, I tested it and found to be true. I also came across many already known people, strange people and they agreed as well as questioned about the 3Ms, adjustment and compromise as well as ethics.
I believe none of the relationship can stand for longer time if it lacks in 3Ms and  it has lacking of adjustment. I have always advised self and others on this and have put emphasis on adjustment but not on compromise. If somebody compromise in relationship every time and the trust, understanding and relationship is one sided, such relationship cannot stay for longer. Then the other person start to feel suffocation in the relationship. This is definitely not a good sign. I never claim that I am a nice person and in fact I cannot. I cannot become nice for everyone compromising my self esteem (please do not confuse it with ego, when I say self esteem, it is a situation where I respect someone every time and put every efforts to make the person happy and in turn the person wants yo humiliate you or does not care about what is going inside your mind and heart) but I can really become nice to people who really care about it.ll

I am lucky enough to get both type of people in my life. I am thankful to both of them because those who dis not believe in principle of 3Ms actually taught me various lesson of my life and they helped me in my evolution. I am thankful to second type of people too because due to their love, support and care, I could manage well and it gave me strength. Those whoever did not believe in principle of 3Ms, I parted my ways with them. I believe love is something you cannot force somebody to do. Where love exists, trust, understanding and respect automatically exist. Where 3M exist, by virtue of love, care automatically exists. So if you see, everything is linked to each other. I have seen problems in few relationship even in the life of those people to whom I respect and very close to me. I see that for various reason there are discontent amongst them. As far as I know in one such cases both the partners are very nice person. I have spent several years with them so I know it. Still I see that the 3M is missing from one's side and the problem is in adjustment from other's side. Unfortunately I cannot intervene directly as it will be like interfering in somebody's life. What I can advise best that to help one friend to focus on Trust Understanding and Respect to one and adjustment to another. I did it, it is working slowly too. I know it will take little time but it will happen. I have come across many relationship where people were clearly aware about the 3Ms factor does not exist between them, still they went ahead for marriage and / or relationship and it ended very bad resulting into a big trauma for one who relied that things will work out. Believe me, when you know such scenario things never work out. You need to take immediate and quick decision to prevent bigger harm. My one friend d who is very close to me and who had a very good career suffered a lot and still suffering. My another friend who waited for very long years for somebody met the similar fate. Fortunately he was emotionally strong enough to manage. I came across another case about a woman too, about whom I do not know but the case was pathetic. Her husband did not value her and harassed her a lot, after divorce somebody came to her life but did not marry her but spent life like husband and wife for years. I think people need to be very careful about decision in their life. Nobody can make a perfect decision but their is always time to redo the wrong decision. Adjustment is essential part of our life. We must be flexible enough not to break but to fit into all acceptable scenarios in our life. I insist on the word "adjustable" because beyond the adjustable limit, it becomes compromise not adjustment. Adjustment is necessary because no situation or person is perfect and there is always time to get the things. For example suppose you are a girl and you dream to marry someone with good physique, taller, good looking, intelligent, smart, brave, nice human being. Here, you may not get all qualities in a single person but you may get essential qualities then you need to adjust with rest others. For example, for me what is required is good human nature compared to good looking. Suppose a girl marry a person with good height, tomorrow he meets with an accident and loose legs permanently, so will you leave him because he does not have now your required things? He may not retain good health in future, so will you leave him? That's why I say adjustment is essential. You may not get everything, be logical and focus on essential thing which should be helpful for you even in the worst condition of your life. Last year, before I got married in 2012, somebody called me and told that she is a divorcee and married as per parents will. For her looks matter so first she want to see my photos. I asked her to visit my profile on social networking site and never bothered to remember her and to call back. Even if she would have been the most beautiful woman of the world, I would have never considered to marriage her. So thing is clear here. Adjustment should be there but there should not be compromise. What is compromise then? Well, I told about one of my friend. She is very close to me and we became friend by a sheer chance. We did not marry although we could because I felt that we are better as a friend only. She is ambitious but selfless and a very nice human being. When her marriage fixed few years back, she told me about her would be life partner and his attitude. I warned her and asked her that not to go ahead for the marriage but for family's sake she decided to marry. I was right. One day I called her just to say hi casually, she could not speak properly and within few minutes got call from her husband asking me not to call her ever and he sent me a long mail. Then I came to know that he has taken her bank accounts, debit card and also her mail id and password and from that sent mail to all friends not to talk to her or not to send mail to her. He also used to abuse her and used to force her to take him to any company event too. Too pathetic. It is a BIG COMPROMISE and I never recommend that. Now if I still ask her to stick to the relationship, I am doing the most unethical work. Well, the question may arise what society will think if she breaks the marriage ? What about the parents who did all the hard work and expected things from her? What society will think? Is it ethical to break such marriage and to be with somebody who is ready to accept and who has 3Ms? It is the worst thing to say that it is unethical to break the marriage and to be with the person. Why? I don't understand. Society- I do not understand why do we need to think about the people who are not bothered about us when we are hungry and helpless. It is unethical to leave a life partner when he his completely following 3Ms but lacking in some of the things like attitude lifestyle etc. If he or she does not respect , you must talk and make him/her understand and put all efforts to reconcile. If you still do not see change in the attitudes like not respecting you or doubting you, not allowing you to talk to others, there is nothing wrong to break such relationship. All the best